Spread Love & Accept Love

As my tiny Dutch world is cooling down again and the trees are getting bare and grey, I have picked up my most reliable source of entertainment: books. I’m all about reading and losing myself in a fictive world, where I don’t have to worry about my own struggles and insecurities, especially when the weather doesn’t allow you to enjoy a nice stroll outside. 

Reading changes your perspectives and urges you to think in a way you don’t usually do, because you’re not usually able to look inside the mind of anyone but yourself. I never understand the people that say they don’t like reading, because reading is like a treasure hunt for me. You look for the jewels and once you’ve found one, it will change the way you look at the world and the people surrounding you forever, which is one of the best gifts someone –fictional or not- could give me.

If you’re not a reader however, don’t be afraid. This post will not be about the books I’ve read. I won’t be hyping about my favourite authors (although Jojo Moyes is steadily becoming one of them) or discuss my favourite book genre. I’d just like to share some ponderings about life, love, friendship, and all that good stuff.

 I’ve read a couple of really good books this past month (here’s a link to my Goodreads account if you’re interested!), that got me thinking about life and relationships and how people really are mysterious creatures.

The fact that you don’t get to look inside someone’s brain and see how people think, and how their perspectives change from yours, is something I can’t get my head around. How nice would it be if we could read each other like you read about a character in a book? When someone says they’re fine, 60% of the time they’re actually not fine, but you would never be able to know for sure, unless that person decides to share this fact with you. It always frustrates me to see people hiding behind this wall of “fine” while they are actually craving to tell someone what’s bothering them. To have someone who can support them and comfort them. Modern day society does not let you, however. We are expected to know how the world works and we are expected to be able to deal with this all, by ourselves, with as little help as possible.

However, I know I’m not the only one when I say that I’d really like a hug every now and then. That I can really enjoy the company and emphatic smile of a good friend when I’m down. That I sometimes need to just talk to someone, anyone, about my day and what has been bothering me. Of course, sometimes I just want to crawl into a ball and never get out of bed again, but it’s always the people around me that get me up and going. 

So why is there this stigma against love and comfort? Why are people who cry thought to be weak? Why is it looked down upon when you seek someone for advice and help? We are not alone in this world, so why is it expected from us that we deal with life all by ourselves? It boggles me to think about all those people that will never tell someone how they’re really feeling, because they’re afraid of letting their true colours shine. It saddens me immensely when I think of all those people living in fear and misery, telling themselves that they just have to suck it up, because everyone 

We are loving creatures, we need connections with other people and interaction to feel content. You can be the most introverted person alive, but you will still enjoy the quiet evenings in the presence of someone you love. 

And with love I don’t mean the romantic kind of love. Hell, I don’t even know if I’ve yet loved anyone in that way. I mean the love that embodies everything. The feeling you have for your sister or father, the love you feel for a friend. You need this love to nurture you, to make you feel comfortable in your skin. I’ve been realizing more and more this year, that love is the most important thing of all. You can excel in all your classes and roll into a fantastic career, but what is it worth if you have no one to share it with?

I feel like I’ve been growing a lot this year. Growing from an introverted and anti-social being to a more loving and love-accepting person. Yes, love-accepting, because that is one of the things that may be the hardest, at least for me. Accepting the fact that you are not invincible, that you too need someone to take care of you sometimes. When people ask me personal questions, I tend to shrug them away, thinking that they would not care and that I don’t need to burden them with my problems. But if it's the other way around, I would hate to know that people hide their feelings from me, because they’re scared of my reaction. 

The world should be more open towards each other, more accepting and more loving. I know, I sound like a hippie when you read all this, but think about it. Why wouldn’t you smile to that person sitting across from you in the train? Why wouldn’t you strike a conversation with someone when you’re waiting for the bus to arrive? Our society has grown so independent and so hurried, that you forget the fact that we actually crave these interactions.

Maybe I’m getting to swept away right now, maybe you don’t want to read all this and think I’m being a soppy mess. But remember that behind every pair of eyes, there’s a complete story you don’t know anything about. Everyone experiences life in the same intensity as you, meaning that these people too feel overwhelmed by everything sometimes. You are not alone, and you should not try to deal with life alone. Text those friends when you think of them, call those people you want to hear. They are probably thinking about you as well, the only thing that’s stopping them is this awful stigma we have grown to accept but should try to break down.

Love. Laugh. Share. It will make your life so much happier and kinder.

Be true to who you are, you are wonderful,

Janeri